Dave Barry Explains How to Reconcile Red States and Blue States
posted by Bob Clasen
Here's my plan to end the red-blue rift
I thought that in today's column I would heal the nation. The nation suffered a wound during the recent presidential election as a result of the rift between the red states - defined as "states where 'foreign cuisine' pretty much means Pizza Hut" - and the blue states, defined as "states that believe they are smarter than the red states, despite the fact it takes the average blue-state resident 15 minutes to order a single cup of coffee."
Some blue-state residents are so upset about the election that they are talking about moving to Canada, which is technically a foreign nation. In my view, this would be a mistake. Canada is not the paradise it is often made out to be. FACT: Every year, 43% of all Canadians - a total of eight Canadians - are eaten by polar bears.
Besides, running away is never the answer, unless you are a teenage boy who has just blown up a mailbox. We need to ...